me rambling since i cant do it in news stories for class!

i discovered lately that im not a blog type person.though i mght be that person in the future. heres the thing: ive always been a writer. i changed many things in my life, but the one only thing that i was always sure ill have was my writings.. i mainly write in arabic since its my first language .. i hope someday (soon enshala) my english will be as good as my arabic. i easily move from one place to another, a person to another, an experience to another, but what was always constant in my life was the fact that i write. its my way of making sense of the world around me ; sometimes its how i romancize my daily life.

when you start blogging, or even just publish your writings, you lost part of your "free-creative" self.. you strat seeing their eyes following you as you create your words.. "oh, this would be better.. they would like it more " .. gradually , you lose your distinct fingerprint and you just became a number among the endless masses...

i published some of my writings , but im always focued on embracing my individuality

when i write for auc classes, i usually avoid being myself(sad but true). creativity isnt big in the classes i took so far , except for my mutimedia class ( and no , im not trying to kiss your ass dr to get an a..) ,

what worries me is that im still chained in my writing style that i developed in auc for classes.. im always thinking: what would the professor think?and now that dr shaheen is giving me a chance to write what i want to write, im not using it as i should

ive lived in jordan for 18 years then moved to egypt. cairo taught me how to be aggressive (and hell ya, im an expert in it) .. maybe this is the case in big cities.. i want to live in NY; so it might be a good quality to fit in this crazy wonderful city..

i was thinking lately about capitalism and the materialistic culture .. i promised myself not to lose four things as i climb the ladder of success(hopefully, enshala) : my healthy habits like exercising and healthy food,creativty and art, spirituality , and socializing the way i define it ( yeah , networking is good, but we're humans, sometimes we just need a true friend to giggle with.. at least , i know i do )

socializing also includes giving more time to my family back home.. i dont call them as much as i should.. i get caught up in the fast-pace life here and lose track of time..

i also promised myslef not to turn to a machine.. i met so many people in my life whom i consider machines : just feul to move the capitalist wheel..

im more indepednent now than beofre.. im more aware of the fact that im the one responsible of my actions and that what i do now has consequences in the future... life is choices after all

i dont know if this is relevent but ill write it anway (its my blog after all ) .. i decided not to adopt the angry face that students on campus usually have.. not much smiling goes on .. its healthy for me and the society to smile; so im keeping my smiley face..

reading what i just wrote reminded me of how talkative i am.. in my kg certificate, my teacher wrote: a talkative girl.. my three brothers kept making fun of me.. maybe its a bliss since i want to be a journalist and talking to people gives you the real thing

i have all these extremely ambitious dreams and sometimes i obsessively think about it . what if i didnt get there? and then , i calm myself and tell her that: this is life.. life is now.. i sometimes get caught up in " life is a destination" , but then i remind myself that my life- as it is now- is absolutely amazing ..

my friend from jordan told me lately that i shine.. that i kept my spark.. :)

i hate it how people lose the spark as they grow older.. its sad

i realized lately that life is a combination of everything: of a mother's hug to her son , of an unexpected gift, of a tender touch from a lover, of a tear and a smile, of the faces that left but were carved in our hearts, of the sound of music, of our scattered memories on a forgotten mountain , of you and me.. of you and me..

-----------------

i dont know if this is good or bad, but im self -centred.. i know that in a way , all of us are.. but sometimes, im anxious that its more than it should be..

maybe , its cause i change things and move very quickly i developed this relationship with myself as my best friend, so im very attached to it that i give it the center of my attention..

its fuuny : im this social butterfly and at the same time this lone person,.. i dont really know how it works..

ok , heres my second enrty.. :).. enjoy this weekend all !!:)

(i felt that i talked too much ).. take care all